It’s humbling to write this article, but I have to. If I’m to keep my sanity, I have to be honest with myself. Putting 8 hours of self-help pressure on myself isn’t going to cut it.
My mother needs a lot of my help and attention right now. With helping her clean out the house, and getting all of her affairs in order, working out of town, and still trying to accomplish everything, I’m finding myself overwhelmed. It doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop altogether, but I have to re-evaluate the way I move forward in the next 25 days. I’m thinking about buying my mom’s house, and I’ve never brought a house before, so I have a lot of research to do. Then I have to renovate the house, and I don’t know anything about that either. Also, I’m on a shoe string budget in a time when all construction cost are inflated. If I’m to do everything myself, I will need to move into the house and do everything myself, which will take time. The house needs a lot of work.
I’m never one to give up on my dreams, but right now a huge opportunity has come across my lap, and I have to figure out how to make it happen. If I do this right, I could be purchasing my first rental property, which is exciting, but a lot of new responsibility.
Plus, I’m working through some emotional stuff. I experienced three major traumas in my life, and it seems every time I let my guard down, a flashback appears in my mind, and I have to use a lot of energy to address it in a healthy way. When my mind wants to naturally be in a nervous state, and I have to consciously be in a gratitude growth state. I’m not saying ignore your feelings, but this is an everyday thing.
Every day I have to put massive energy into not being overrun with negative thoughts. It’s like I’m fighting with my first 7 years, and really first 17 years of programming. Change is going to happen, but growth is optional.
I’m working on becoming a happier, healthier, more abundant person, and it takes a lot of work. Every spare minuet it seems I’m listening to an audio book, I’m listening to a podcast, I’m reading a personal development book, and I have to do it every day. In the last two years I’ve read and listened to over 60 books of personal development, and I’ve listened to 100’s of motivational videos on YouTube. Interviews with all the motivational speakers I mentioned earlier, and more. Retraining your brain is not easy.
This is why I want to go to Dr. Joe Dispenza’s retreat. He talks about not having to relive the trauma, but to be the person you want to be now. I relive the trauma in the form of flashbacks, I see it all the time, and I’m tired of it. I’ve practiced not having emotional reactions to my thoughts, but again it’s a lot of work, and it’s been a lot of work for years.
When people decide they want to change themselves, and they say it took them years, or decades, guys, it’s real. The brain is a complex powerful creature that doesn’t really speak the English language when it comes to change, it speaks, action, and movement through life.
But with all this said, I’m still going to do has much as I can. I may not be able to do them every day, but I know that I can still these things every week. I’m working on getting organized, but I also must take care of my family. I would rather make sure my mother is healthy and happy, rather than fully completing a 30 day challenge perfectly. But let me tell you what I did yesterday :)
1. Meditated, prayed, and said my affirmation
2. Ran 2 miles
3. Took my mom to the museum for Juneteenth
4. Wrote an article
5. Drew in my drawing pad to reflect on my current state
All of those things make me happy. Maybe the 30 Day formula isn’t meant for me right now, but I will continue to tell you the positive growth things I do in my life in order to help motivate you to stick with it. Hopefully my failures will show you, a fail isn’t a fail, if you learn from the lesson, and keep moving in the right direction. Guys, thank you for following me in this journey, and I hope you know that you too can