OMG this is HARD!


4:22am is when I woke up Monday morning. Not 4am, like I told myself I was going to, and I was disappointed. And do you know what when through my head when I hit snooze twice this morning?


"You’re tired. Your life is a circle of misery, you are never going to get ahead. Why do you wake up at 4am, when you are just going to fail, and you will never accomplish your goals in life…"


But I turned at looked at my phone to turn off the alarm, and I said, I’m going to have a good day, and got up, and prayed. I'm not religious, I'm a spiritual person. And you want to know something, something in me shifted, just a little. I got up, made my coffee, and here I am.


I can’t help but appreciate how strong the mind is, but now more than ever I am on a mission to train my mind, and not let my mind run wild in a way in which it conducts the patterns of self-sabotage or replicates the patterns of past generations poverty, victimization, lack thinking. Told myself I was going to do my marketing first, b/c I’ve been slacking on it, but I believe that it’s more important to share this truth, the truth of change, that it’s not easy, and in fact it’s incredibly hard emotionally.


Today I won with self-will, but according to “Atomic Habits”, I will need to set up a reward system. I’m going to go with the Jerry Seinfeld method of “don’t break the chain” to put a big “X” on the calendar each day you work on your dream (see the calendar below, that's the one in my office). For him it was write a joke every day. For me it will be did you write a blog, or did you work on editing the blog and posting it today? Or, did you work on your dream/goal of becoming an entrepreneur today?


I’ve had to get real honest with myself, and the truth is, I love to write. What is super scary, is writing hasn’t been known to make people rich or successful very often, but I don’t care anymore. It’s what makes me happy, and it’s worth getting up at 4:22am in order to makes sure that I can do it, money or no money.


I was already writing, but just in my journals. Yesterday, I just hit 700 pages on my journal on my computer. I have 1,000’s of pages of writings. But the realization I’ve come to is, if I want to help other people, I have to write on a medium to share my ideas and thoughts. My strength, experience, and hope. That includes the days, that are hard, and I don’t want to get out of my comfortable warm bed. It’s true, the hardest part about this, is myself. Jocko author of “Extreme Ownership” said “discipline is freedom”, and I know it’s sounds like an oxymoron, but it’s not.


There is a freedom in discipline, b/c then you get to tell your mind what you want to do, and not be run by your emotions. Let me tell you, easier said than done! This routine is no joke. When I tell people, I wake up at 4 am, I wish you could see the faces they make, “ew, why?”. I was telling them that I work out in the mornings before work, which is the truth, but it’s hard to say,


"I want to wake up early enough to work on my dreams, which are in the process of being developed, and I’m not 100% sure on what direction I’m going in, but I'm doing it anyways. "


Sounds stupid, but in my heart, I know that it’s not. The internet can be confusing sometimes on motivation. Some say, keep your head down, work hard, don’t brag about what you are doing, and others say, live true to yourself, and share your dreams with others, and I’m like, well what is it? Do I work in silence, or do I share my message of “I’m working on it”?



And then there's the second dream, to become a successful entrepreneur. I’m struggling with the Marketing Company course. I’m afraid to fail. I’m afraid I’m going to put massive amount of energy in something I hate. But really, I think I am just afraid to waste time, which is what I’m doing by not doing anything! And I have to work on this, b/c I also want to write an E-book. The things is, in all honesty, if I get my mind together, I can probably do all 3 before the year ends, but have to work on the weekends.


The “Burn Out” was real this weekend. They say 21 days to create a habit, and 90 days to create a life style. I’ve been at this since I started my new job October 11, 2021, 49 days, and to be honest, I’m feeling a little shaky on my routine. I’ve missed a couple of Mondays waking up, Thanksgiving was a holiday, so, I’m definitely still fine tuning this whole thing.


I guess, I writing this article to also let you know, that I’m not perfect, far from it. And growing and progressing isn’t a perfect road, but you just have to get up and keep trying again, over and over, till you figure it out. Create a plan, execute it to the best of your ability, and then take what worked, leave what didn’t, and create again. I’ve always thought of myself as disciplined and organized, but let me tell you, I have a long way to go to get to where I envision myself being, and that’s okay.