Sometimes, I don’t know what’s intuition vs fear or procrastination is. I listened to Oprah W. talk about how she followed her intuition. I find it hard to follow my feelings when I am flooded with fear, doubt, and confusion, periodically. My mind wants to do a ton of things, and it’s still calling for me to draw. There are many things that I want to learn, how to draw digitally, mechanical engineering, programming, learn another language fluently, and more!
I heard an inspiration speaker say, “lot of people don’t do what they want right now, but do what they do b/c of what they want right now”, and that struck me hard.
I am an artist at heart, with a desire to minor in science and science fiction in life. But what I am doing right now is trying to learn how to make money online (side hustle), but I don't enjoy it (is it fear of the unknown, fail of failure?). I believe that is where the future is going, therefore I must learn the skills to do this. But I don’t feel like I’m doing ALL the things I want to do (drawing, and learning engineering). But, the truth is I am doing SOME of the things I want to do, and that is writing, and reading, my favorite things in the world, the things I do for free, just b/c I want to, not b/c I have to.
I’ve had to make a sacrifice to work 8:30am-5pm, in order to create a foundation. I have been anti-9-5pm for a long time, but to be honest, I needed it. On my journey of self-mastery, I have learned, my consistency and ability to create routine are not my strong suits. AND!
Let me be clear, I am SO grateful for my job, and I like that I am working there. When I started my goal is to create as much value for this company as I am able, b/c I believe in abundance, and doing for others, what I want done for myself. Plus, I like what my job is teaching me.
It’s teaching me how to be disciplined, consistent, and to work through my doubts and fears. In the book “Atomic Habits” it talked about an art teacher who graded two classes differently. One by the perfect one picture, and one by the amount of pictures they submitted (a hundred or so). And he verified that the class that took more pictures took the better pictures. I have already found this to be true with my social media marketing. I have to post two pictures a day at the company I work at, and let me tell you, I have to get creative with what I do. I have to figure out how to make the most of the material I have with the time (1.5-2hours) I have to make and post two videos each day Monday-Friday, and I will tell you, sometimes my brain panics before I get to work. My brain is like, “how are we ever going to do it? Are the videos going to suck? How many new followers do we have now? What can you do in that small amount of time to attract customers that are looking for what we are offering?” And there are a lot of challenges.
They are mostly emotional, b/c when I am finished, I feel accomplished. I did it, I hit my goal, I did what I promised to do, and when you look at the first video and the last video, you can see an improvement. Even though my first two videos have more views than all my other videos, I think that’s just social media platforms trying to get you started upfront. But now it’s up to me to keep them engaged. I heard this quote one time and it goes…
“beginner's luck is just the Universe’s way of saying, you can do anything you put your energy into, go for it”.
When I got my first video with zero views my heart sank, and I felt like a failure. I didn’t want to post any videos that day, I was so disheartened, but then I thought to myself, no, this is a lesson, your videos suck, you need to upgrade your efforts, you need to make your videos better! This job is teaching me a lot, and for that I am extremely grateful to be working here.
And then there is customer service...
“people are people, and you can count on people to be people.” – Mathew McConaughey
Happy, sad, angry, political, scared, overbearing, kind, rude, etc. I am learning to hold fast to the 4 agreements, and that is to never make assumptions. To be impeccable with my word, don’t take things personally, and always do my best.
Tom Bilyeu said, “give it your best, and what you might find out is that your best isn’t good enough, that your best sucks.”
It’s true, this is the fear of the beginning. Gary Vee talks about putting out massive amounts of content, and what he's doing is setting people up for is massive amount of feedback, good or bad. If you get response, you are doing okay, if you get no response you are not doing good, but to keep at it. Take the blow to your ego, and keep moving forward. That is the key!
I struggle with the production of content for my personal use. So, again, this job is teaching many valuable skills.
But I’ve said this before, my purpose in life is to help a little girl like me, to help people like me who come from dysfunctional backgrounds (or anyone) who wants to change, but doesn't know how or where to get started. I want to be that ray of light that shines hope on the fact that there is a better life, if you are willing to put the energy and effort into it. What ever that journey may bring ,I am ready.
The second purpose is to help the planet. To find some way to make money cleaning up pollution like 4Oceans. But in a more “Richie, Rich” the movie way. Trash is just matter. Matter transformed into something valuable is the formula I’m looking for. But I have huge and high dreams and goals. I’m still trying to figure out how to put it all together.
Tony Robbins said “most people can tell you what they don’t want, but most can’t tell you what they do want”.
Alan Watts said (paraphrasing) “I think upon entry in every college, all students should have to write a 20 page essay on what paradise looks like to them, and then propose how to accomplish it. B/c many will realize they don’t actually want the things they say they want… And to be detailed about it, not just what you want your husband to be like, but your mother-in-law too”.
I am a true believer in working towards the life that you want. On my journey, I have learned a lot of the things I thought I wanted I didn’t, and some things I thought I didn’t want, I actually did. And the beautiful thing about life is as you grow and progress, so will your vision, and that’s a good thing. Your goals at 18 years old and 38 years old may change (or not, and that’s okay too).
What others want, may change too. I think it’s great that different things work for different people. Just b/c you are different and don’t agree with me, doesn’t make you wrong or bad, it just makes you uniquely different from who I am. Hold the basic morals of life, don’t kill, treat others like you, yourself want to be treated, leave it better than when you came, and a few other basic morals, and the world will turn out better. The World is changing, the only thing consistent in life is change, but it’s our choice to progress or not.
"Change and progress are not the same thing, make sure you know the difference" - Denzel Washington
One of my (many) heroes is Miyazaki Hayao creator of Studio Ghibli. His imagination to create beautiful scenery, magic, imagination, and address the environment in a way which moves many hearts is inspiring. Disney also has some wonderful gems, that have created the foundation in which I believe in imagination, and hope. And I can already hear it, Disney did this, was that, and blah, blah, blah…. I think people forget sometimes that good people are still just imperfect people. Life is not black and white; life is grey and blurry sometimes. But with all the information available to me, the beautiful thing is, is I get to choose what I like, and discard the rest. I get focus on the things I like, and express those things. Who cares about all the crap, let that sh*t die! Only bring life to the things you want more of.
8 billion humans on the planet, bad sh*t is going to happen, but 8 billion people on the planet, beautiful things are going to happen, which one are you going to focus your attention and energy on? I will tell you my vote is on the beautiful and progressive. Human are full of amazing potential. Yes, social media exposes a lot of the ugly truth about humans, but it also is exposing us for who we are, and is a useful mirror.
We get a mirror, and as a “woman standing in front of the mirror” I am determined to create what I want to see, and accept what God has freely given me, this body and life. I know, I know, I but love his work... Tony Robbins, another thing he says is…
“it’s not how many resources you have, it’s how resourceful you are”- Tony Robbins
The thing is, that technology is here to make the world better. It is up to the human kind to use it. It’s not up to President so-in-so, or governor fill-in-the-blank, it’s up to us. We are the scientists, the writers, the social media marketers, the readers, the painters, the engineers, the teachers, the people! We are the people that make the world go around. Once we look at ourselves as amazing, then we will change and hopefully progress. I love talking to my neighbors, any chance I get. I love people, and I say that having had some very troubling encounters with people, yet, that still has not deterred me. In my life, 90% of people are good. Yes, 10% of people are going to suck, but if we focus more on what we are doing right, then we will be able to focus on what we can make even better, just as we are, imperfect, unique, awesome beings.
"Nothing hasn’t been said before, no song hasn’t already been written, but the cool thing is, it’s never been written or created by you." - Gary Vee
We are accumulation of all that have come before us, let’s progress and…