Life's Purpose

Sometimes, I don’t know what’s intuition vs fear or procrastination is. I listened to Oprah W. talk about how she followed her intuition. I find it hard to follow my feelings when I am flooded with fear, doubt, and confusion, periodically. My mind wants to do a ton of things, and it’s still calling for me to draw. There are many things that I want to learn, how to draw digitally, mechanical engineering, programming, learn another language fluently, and more!

I heard an inspiration speaker say, “lot of people don’t do what they want right now, but do what they do b/c of what they want right now”, and that struck me hard.

I am an artist at heart, with a desire to minor in science and science fiction in life. But what I am doing right now is trying to learn how to make money online (side hustle), but I don't enjoy it (is it fear of the unknown, fail of failure?). I believe that is where the future is going, therefore I must learn the skills to do this. But I don’t feel like I’m doing ALL the things I want to do (drawing, and learning engineering). But, the truth is I am doing SOME of the things I want to do, and that is writing, and reading, my favorite things in the world, the things I do for free, just b/c I want to, not b/c I have to.

I’ve had to make a sacrifice to work 8:30am-5pm, in order to create a foundation. I have been anti-9-5pm for a long time, but to be honest, I needed it. On my journey of self-mastery, I have learned, my consistency and ability to create routine are not my strong suits. AND!

Let me be clear, I am SO grateful for my job, and I like that I am working there. When I started my goal is to create as much value for this company as I am able, b/c I believe in abundance, and doing for others, what I want done for myself. Plus, I like what my job is teaching me.

It’s teaching me how to be disciplined, consistent, and to work through my doubts and fears. In the book “Atomic Habits” it talked about an art teacher who graded two classes differently. One by the perfect one picture, and one by the amount of pictures they submitted (a hundred or so). And he verified that the class that took more pictures took the better pictures. I have already found this to be true with my social media marketing. I have to post two pictures a day at the company I work at, and let me tell you, I have to get creative with what I do. I have to figure out how to make the most of the material I have with the time (1.5-2hours) I have to make and post two videos each day Monday-Friday, and I will tell you, sometimes my brain panics before I get to work. My brain is like, “how are we ever going to do it? Are the videos going to suck? How many new followers do we have now? What can you do in that small amount of time to attract customers that are looking for what we are offering?” And there are a lot of challenges.

They are mostly emotional, b/c when I am finished, I feel accomplished. I did it, I hit my goal, I did what I promised to do, and when you look at the first video and the last video, you can see an improvement. Even though my first two videos have more views than all my other videos, I think that’s just social media platforms trying to get you started upfront. But now it’s up to me to keep them engaged. I heard this quote one time and it goes…

“beginner's luck is just the Universe’s way of saying, you can do anything you put your energy into, go for it”.

When I got my first video with zero views my heart sank, and I felt like a failure. I didn’t want to post any videos that day, I was so disheartened, but then I thought to myself, no, this is a lesson, your videos suck, you need to upgrade your efforts, you need to make your videos better! This job is teaching me a lot, and for that I am extremely grateful to be working here.

And then there is customer service...

“people are people, and you can count on people to be people.” – Mathew McConaughey

Happy, sad, angry, political, scared, overbearing, kind, rude, etc. I am learning to hold fast to the 4 agreements, and that is to never make assumptions. To be impeccable with my word, don’t take things personally, and always do my best.

Tom Bilyeu said, “give it your best, and what you might find out is that your best isn’t good enough, that your best sucks.”

It’s true, this is the fear of the beginning. Gary Vee talks about putting out massive amounts of content, and what he's doing is setting people up for is massive amount of feedback, good or bad. If you get response, you are doing okay, if you get no response you are not doing good, but to keep at it. Take the blow to your ego, and keep moving forward. That is the key!

I struggle with the production of content for my personal use. So, again, this job is teaching many valuable skills.