Fear, Healthy Rejection, & How to be Free!
So, I’ve been on a spiritual journey. I left my other job for many reasons, but when I left it, I felt lost. I had put all my eggs in one backet, and now that I was free, I didn’t know where to start. I was afraid to share and open up to my friends, b/c I was afraid of what other people would think of me. I was afraid that starting over again at the age of 32 years old meant that I was a failure. My anxiety was robbing me of my life force and happiness, and I decided that I needed to make a decision. Even though I had nay-sayers telling me that with my background that I would never succeed without them.
That I was a woman, that I was colored (half black), that I couldn’t stand on my own two feet without their help, and then, I did something, I blocked that person, and something magical happened, the voice of fear went away. I reached out to my friends and got an interview for a corporation quickly, I was even impressed. But coming out of that interview, another crazy event happened, I was sitting at the bar of a Mexican restaurant, and a guy beside me started talking to me about how he had made $180k in one year selling roofs and he had only been in it 2 years. I was intrigued, so I asked him if they were hiring.
He looked a little surprised a woman asking him about a door-to-door sales job, but gave me his information and said yes they were hiring. I went in for my second interview at the corporate job, and I was pretty sure that I got the job, but my stomach started to twist like I was making the wrong decision. One, the job paid $2,660 after taxes each month, and my bills averaged over $3,000 a month, and two, I had no desire to work at a desk job sacrificing my life to someone else’s dream. The whole reason I came to Dallas Oct 2018 was to become an entrepreneur. So, I did something really out of character, and I took the door-to-door roof sales job. I apologized to my friend and explained that the job simply didn’t satisfy my income needs and working a full time and part time job for a year waiting an promotion wasn’t a wise decision for me, and also, if I had to work that much, how would I ever start my own business?
So, I did the irrational thing, and took a 100% commission based job. I did it for many different reasons, one b/c I wanted to get paid on my results not my hours. The second reason, selling door-to-door is terrifying. I am terrified of rejection to the point where it is debilitating. I’ve always been a strong person, and a risk taker, but personal rejection over and over I knew would force me to push myself to grow. Also, it would give me the time freedom to work on my side hustle of starting an online company.
What is the company I want to start? Well, I’m still working on figuring that out, but I’m giving myself 1 year. In 6 months or less I will launch my new business, and I’m doing this, b/c it is my dream. I will tell you I haven’t had to be this self-disciplined in a long time. It is easy to waste time instead of studying your pitch or researching the best way to start an online business, but I didn’t sign up for this to be easy, I signed up to reach my full potential and follow my dreams to be an entrepreneur.
My whole life I have had the victim mentality, till now. I have purged every toxic relationship out of my life, and now the only person is left is me. No roommates, no toxic boyfriend, no toxic bosses, no dead-end, time-wasting job, now this time around I am taking full responsibility for my life and actions. I have taken a deep look at myself and discovered that I am enough right now. That I am worthy of success and true love. I am learning to love myself every day, and every day I meditate without missing a beat. Meditation means “to become familiar with” or to know one’s self. Everything in my life that is wrong, is in my control, and what I cannot control I can remove.
My passions are to help people, and to contribute to the environment. I tried cooking and it wasn’t my passion, I tried painting, but it is something I do for me, not something I want to do every day for money. What I am passionate about is educating people on a better way to life, and a better way to treat themselves. Women are exceptionally bad at putting others before themselves, and we must learn to care for ourselves like we care for others. So many times I have put others before myself, and it went unappreciated and unvalued, so I would tried harder only to have a person I thought cared about me, hurt me. But what I’ve realized is the reason I attracted these people into my life was b/c of how I felt about myself. I did not love myself, and I had very negative self-talk.
All day I would bully myself, so it was no surprise that the people around me were bullying me, and go figure, it is when I stood up for myself, I got respect back. I am very lucky and blessed to have realized that life is too short to be controlled by someone else, and that living someone else’s version of who you should be is a mistake. I now feel like myself again, dreaming creatively, talking to strangers about ideas, and living in creation states instead of survival fear states. I am laughing more, and crying less. I am learning new skills, and facing my fears head on. Right now I’m reading the book “Rejection Proof” (which I highly recommend), and it just reaffirms my idea that you must face your fears head on. I am finally on a path I know is right for me, and no matter where I end up, I will be able to say I lived my life on my terms, following my dreams. And remember, you too can BeeTheChangeOverTime. My call to action is to do something that you have always wanted to do, but have been too afraid to do (as long as it’s not breaking the law or hurting someone else). You will find, after the terror, there is a huge reward of confidence and self value on the other side. Thank you for listening!