Fall, Get Back Up
Man, I feel bad. I didn’t hit my mark of two posts last week. I had every intention of writing and posting on the weekend, and then, I got busy, and I hurt my back. I was practicing some more advanced yoga moves on Saturday, and somehow I strained my back, BAD. And what’s strange is, I didn’t feel it Saturday. I felt it Sunday morning. The pain was bad, but it just kept getting worse and worse, and Monday morning, I was considering going to the emergency room. Every move in bed, every move standing up, sitting down, pain jolted down the left strap of my back or the Latissimus Dorsi. And it’s Wednesday, the pain is not as bad, but now the pain wraps all the way around my ribs on the left side. I felt up and down my spine to see if maybe I hurt my spine, but the muscle feels like a tight rope. I have never experienced an injury like this before. And what’s blowing my mind, is I didn’t feel it when it happened. Fear is an understatement of what I’ve been feeling the last couple of days.
Did I injure my spine? Do I need to go to the doctor? Chiropractor? Get a massage? Will that make it worse? Why are two spots on my actual spine sore? Will this pass? Has my scoliosis started to take a turn for the worse? Will I need a back brace? I don’t have insurance yet. What am I supposed to do? The only thing I could think to do that wouldn’t make it worse was take an epsom salt bath, and get some rest, and try and not worry about it. Monday when I got home from work the pain was becoming unbearable. I turned the water on as hot as I could stand it, and soaked in the epsom salt. Relief. I relaxed. When I got in bed, my blood was pumping so hard throughout my body, it was like I had just undammed a blockage in my body, and the blood could finally run free, which also concerned me. But I didn’t care, I could sleep. But the tightness returned in the night, and I painfully tossed and turned. When I turn, I have to wake up, pick up my whole body and roll. I can only lay on my right side, and sometimes lay on my back. But when I lay on my back and breath, sharp pains shoot through my body. It’s like breathing hurts.
Guys, I don’t know what I did, but I fucked up my back bad, and it freaked me out. I really don’t even know why I’m sharing this with you. Maybe just so you know, I am human, and apparently you can get really serious injuries in yoga without you even knowing it.
I once heard Kevin Hart talk about how when he broke his back, he was forced to slow down. Not that I’m at the top of my career, and the spotlight is running out, and I better make all my money now, but I felt that. It’s like my body was like, 4am-7pm go, go, go Monday-Friday, and then go some more on the weekends was too much. I feel like my body almost had a strike. B/c I was supposed to rest from workouts on the weekends, and I didn’t. I ran Friday morning, came home from work and worked out again. Then I woke up in the morning and was supposed to meditate, and couldn’t sit still and started an intense yoga session that did not allow one to sit in silence, and resulted in a very painful lesson.
I meditated last night, and asked, what is the lesson? Grow up, get stronger? Slow down, this isn’t your pace? Sitting down for 8 hours a day isn’t your forte? Maybe you are getting older and need to be more careful? You need to listen to your body more? You need to be more active? I didn’t come to a conclusion, but I did contemplate the situation. What I do know is a wide leg plank, on one hand, with upward spine twist is to be done more carefully.
And this leads me to the guilt of not hitting my goals. I didn’t hit my blog goals. I didn’t wake up at 4am b/c I needed the rest. I didn’t stick to my plan! Or maybe it was a shitty plan, and I need to try again with something different. And honestly, I felt myself last night sitting in a Thai restaurant contemplating my life goals, and the direction of my life. Mad I was spending money on eating out b/c I hadn’t meal prepped, I tried to do what Money Zen Master Ken Honda teaches, change your energy around money, at least you can afford to do this. At least you are able to eat this food and not worry about your bank account going negative. Then I thought to myself, what do I even want to do with my life? What were my dreams as a child? I used to want to be a veterinarian, a photographer, painter, a mechanical engineer, an author, and well, at least I still have the blog. Anger rose up in me, fuck you haven’t work on the blog, wtf are you doing with your life? What is even the purpose of my life? How the fuck did Frida live with constant back pain? Breath Lydia, breath.
“You don’t have to see the whole stair case to take the first step”- Martin Luther King Jr.,
You are on the 1,000 mile journey, and it continues one step at a time. I had never wrote an angry blog, and honestly I don’t like sharing my pain openly, but I think, maybe, just maybe this will help someone else get through a hard spot. An athlete who just got an injury, an aspiring entrepreneur who had a bad week, and didn’t hit their goals. Maybe this will help someone having a bad week keep moving forward.
“If you can’t walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, keep moving forward”- Martin Luther King Jr.
Have you ever had an obstacle hinder your progress? Have you ever sat down, and wondered, where am I going, and do I like it? Please comment below, and till then, remember, you too can