So, to be honest, I have been a little frustrated with myself. I have been beating myself up, over and over again, b/c I have not accomplished my goal to become a business woman, and have not started a business. But, I finally got tired of bullying myself, and beating myself up, and I was like there has to be a different way. I have a black notebook with all my attempts to start a business, and I looking at it, and my heart grew heavy. I saw this thing on IG about failures are just currency towards your success, and I thought, I sure fucking hope so. But I read something today that clicked.
This entrepreneur on IG that I follow b/c I like his success, shared all of his failures, and I was like, thank you for sharing this. He said that he failed like 4-5 years, and I was like, wow, that’s me on year number 5! Then I read something else, and it said, failure is not failure (which it’d heard before) but it compared it to shooting at a target.
All Archers suck in the beginning but even if you miss the mark completely, you are learning how to aim at the target, and finally something clicked for me. It was like playing the trumpet!
Man, I sucked when I started to learn how to play the trumpet. I couldn’t get in tune, my couldn’t hit high notes, and for years, I was not great, but after about 4 years of practicing 5 days a week for an hour, I became a magnificent player, and my confidence grew has my face muscles grew stronger, and my fingers became faster, and my mind started to read more complex musical pieces such as jazz or music so fast that you can’t “tongue” the note, you have to semi-tongue in order to move fast enough while at the same time defining the note without slurring it, and move at an incredible speed.
Success is like practicing the trumpet (or learning any instrument), it’s a muscle that needs to be strengthen through practice and consistency. Wow, I finally understood, that all my failures were just me learning how to hit a target, to aim, to shoot, and to land it (or miss but just a little bit closer). This is why the rich get richer, b/c they continue to practice hitting the target.
And sometimes the wind blows and you miss the target, but as long as you are still shooting, then you are still hitting wins. And the reason why the poor get poorer, is b/c they tried once or twice, quit. Every day they don’t practice, they are losing and falling further and further behind! This concept to try 10 times fail and give up doesn't work, when you learn to play an instrument, you play one song sometimes a 100 times to learn how to master it (or more). This is why they say, children should play instruments or sports (I did both, and you see it still is taking me a while), b/c it teaches them that it takes many times, many hours, and many years to become good at something.
In order for me to succeed, I must learn to fail and move forward without guilt aka self-punishment. I was reading a book recently and it said that guilt is just self-punishment, ouch, that hit close to home. When you stop feeling guilty there will be less people and scenarios attracted in your life to punish you innocent or not. I believe this is why a lot of women who carry themselves throughout life with guilt, shame, self-hatred are attracted to men who match that frequency.
For a long time, I have carried an unwarranted guilt. Some guilt for a reason, some without reason, but I carried the guilt nonetheless. But like I said before I am sick and tired of punishing myself. Bullying myself. Beating myself up over stupid shit. I have read many (over 100) books on self-development. I’ve learned a lot. Forgiveness is a huge thing. Forgiveness of past circumstances, of people, of myself, they are all playing a role in freeing myself from the mental prison I have been living in. The victim prison of “I can’t b/c I don’t know how, life is hard, and it’s harder for me than it is for you”. But in the book "You're a Badass at Making Money", Jen S. says, stop saying "I don't know, and replace it with there are clues all around me". Stop making excuses!
And remember, Do you Boo! I’m starting to realize that no matter what I do, sometimes, someone is not going to like it, whether I am doing something good or not. Someone will comment on how you are sucking at life, someone will comment on how you think you are so good, it doesn't matter, haters are going to hate. Haters are real, and you never know what demons someone else is fighting, so it’s best to stop trying to please everyone and take care of yourself. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then help the others around you. You know what’s funny, it’s I’ve “known” a lot of this stuff, but it is not till I start putting these into practice that I’m actually starting to understand them. So, this lesson I am putting into practice right now are…
1. Let go of that guilt- it no longer serves you
2. Start small and build up your confidence, trying to go too big is overwhelming
3. Pick one thing, and go with it- courage is action, in spite of fear
4. Lead with aspired action rather than action stemmed from fear and desperation
5. Never give up
6. Failures are just practice of hitting the TARGET of Success!
My life is not perfect, and in fact, there are a lot of things, that I am concerned with. I am getting ready to move into my own apartment. Then I have to find another job in about 2 months, and I don’t know what I will do for work. But what I do have is a contract right now that pays extremely well and gives me the free time to work on my dreams. What I do have is support from my friends and family, and more importantly I have hope of my success.
Action has been the hardest part for me. Action to proceed forward even though my life is not perfect. But, like they say, it’s never going to be the perfect time. What you have to do is just go for it.
So, I’m proud to say I brought a blueprint for a company to start small and learn. I started writing that e-book even though I didn’t know how it was going to turn out. I meditate more in the mornings and I say I love you in the mirror every day even when I’m not in the mood. Even when I am stressed, I just say, if I can’t control it now, then I will deal with when the time comes. I’m not going to lie, I had to surrender. I had to say, okay God, this is a lot, and I need your help, b/c I can’t do it, and things are starting to work out. So, just remember when you fail, you really aren’t failing you are learning to hit the mark of your success. And Always Remember that you too can